I want to talk about something that has affected me in a rather negative way growing up, and that is the topic of Christian modesty. Particularly to how it pertains to women.
When I was fifteen years old, I was new to the Christian way of life and wanted to learn how to obey God and how to be a good Christian. I searched online for how to do this and stumbled time after time upon articles that explained the importance of modesty and how wearing the wrong clothing can cause a guy to sin. Suddenly my body was now a dangerous weapon that needed to be covered up head to toe to prevent this. Tank tops and spaghetti straps show too much shoulder so they are not to be worn. Shorts must be as long as the length of my fingers when standing. Skirts must be knee-length or longer. Bra straps must not be visible. And a test in front of the mirror must be done with every shirt to see if people can see your bra when you bend over. Heaven forbid they know you wear a bra. You must make sure your bra straps don’t show or slide around. Raise your arms above your head and check if your shirt rides up and shows your stomach. Even just a tiny bit of stomach can make guys think bad things. You must prevent this from happening at all costs or you are responsible for causing them to stumble.
I was very displeased with my growing body as a teen. I felt embarrassed by my chest and tried to make it look flat. I would wrap duct tape and Ace bandage around my breasts to make them look flatter. And I always wore two sports bras. I also wore oversized t-shirts and jackets to add extra protection from people, guys in particular, from noticing my body. One time I tried sleeping on top of a hardcover book hoping it would stop me from growing. I hated my chest. I felt like it made me a vixen who could lead people into sin. I searched and searched online on how to flatten my chest and was very close to considering compression shirts one time. Anything to prevent guys from lusting after me. I didn’t want to be responsible.
Now I understand not every girl who is taught about modesty will react in the same way I did, but nevertheless it happened. My self-esteem wilted like a dead flower. I felt afraid of my growing body. I felt I had to hide it. I couldn’t wear what I wanted to and instead wore huge shirts and layers of clothes to cover myself up. I would wear ridiculous outfits like thick pants under two skirts or two shirts at the same time to create a frumpy look that hid my body well. I was very anxious in public and in youth group. I always felt like all eyes were on me. The picture I attached to this is me wearing a long purple skirt-suit that I wore to youth group one day. I felt so protected. But I was a prisoner. I wasn’t free. I was OCD about modesty and felt any part of my skin that showed would cause a guy to lust after me.
Today I am no longer ashamed of my body. I wear clothes that fit me, and I don’t try to cover myself up more than required. I don’t dress like a night walker, but I don’t wear frumpy clothes anymore just because I’m scared someone’s going to look at me. People look at me anyway. I have learned to tune it out. I love myself and how I look, and I don’t hate myself for my body. I am not a weapon. I am not dangerous. I am beautiful and must take care of myself. That includes a positive body image and a healthy self-esteem that doesn’t make me feel like I am a vixen or a siren who leads men into sin. Yes I am still modest; I don’t wear skimpy clothes or go ham and show off everything. I respect myself. I also respect myself by wearing clothes that make me feel beautiful, not hidden. I feel in one way reading about radical modesty damaged me, but I suppose I may have taken it too seriously. I’m INFP after all. I wonder if anyone else was hurt by Christian modesty teachings as well. I hope not.
